Our wacky friends at Pornhub would like your help to make dreams come true. As Eva Lovia says in the campaign’s incredibly low production value informational video, it’s a chance to combine two dream jobs: porn star and astronaut. More like asstronaut, am I right?
That’s right. Pornhub is seeking donations through Indiegogo in order to film the first porno in space. They anticipate expenses of $3.4 million, and so far have raised $3385, or about 1/10 of one percent of their goal.
Sex in space. It’s a natural fit, of course. As Johnny Sins put it, he’s had sex with many women on nearly every continent, but space would break new ground. By not having ground, I guess. Pornhub states that they’ve done research saying that zero-G sex is possible. I just hope it doesn’t end with a facial. Without gravity, that’s just going to get everywhere.
Pornhub even gave theme names to their donation tiers, including Mercury, Pluto, and - as is only appropriate to the highest tier - Uranus. As one of two Uranus backers you can get one of the two space suits Johnny Sins and Eva Lovia wear on this odyssey of sexual exploration, or sexploration as Pornhub has dubbed it, complete with their underwear.
The “sextronauts” will be receiving “rigorous training” before they are certified to go into space on board a commercial shuttle. I guess with NASA being systematically defunded, it’s up to Pornhub to champion space exploration in the 21st century. Who else, aside from these brave fuckers, is willing to go to space?
What else even is there to say? Pornhub wants to have sex in space, and they want people to help them fund it. I mean, the best I can hope for is a lot of space-based sex puns. Assteroids. Turns out Titan is a double moon, properly pluralized Titsan. Maybe there will be a plot twist where Johny Sins turns out to be an alien posing as a human. The Nemesis theory was wrong, but only in details - Earth doesn’t have an other hiding behind the Sun, Venus does. And Johnny Sins comes from Penus.
And if they don’t have some way of including an alien for the first space threesome, well, that’s okay. I like my science fiction hard.