I was chatting on Facebook today with a couple of friends, and one said "Can I vent for a sec?" Naturally, we accepted her request because it's Monday, and everyone feels bitchy on Monday.

"Why is this girl I know trying to sell me $30 tea? I can buy perfectly good tea at Earth Fare," she said.

And once again, we've been presented with yet another Product Being Hawked By A Mom, and honestly, I've had enough.


We've all had enough.

I get it. I really do. It's tough out there right now. The economy sucks and a lot of us are raising families and trying to be everywhere at once and so yea, these "work from home" sales schemes are appealing. If stalking and pissing off your friends is appealing, I guess.

Because really, that's how it feels. Like I'm being stalked and harassed at every Facebook post.

This is life for many of us right now: You mention going to get a manicure, and your neighborhood Jamberry consultant is the first one to comment: "HAVE YOU TRIED JAMBERRY YET?? ZOMG they are SO Ca-UTE and you can dig in your garden or clean your tub and they DO NOT CHIP and have you seen the ANCHOR PRINT??!!"


Am I Popeye? No, I'm not.


Image via Jamberry.

Or you check in at Sephora, and your old sorority sister messages you THAT SECOND that do NOT buy from them because she's got ARBONNE and she looks AMAZING and she's going to show you this before photo of a 90-year-old woman in a dark room who hasn't bathed followed by an after photo of a seemingly 85-year-old woman in Barbra Streisand light made up like the cast of Designing Women, so you can see HOW GREAT IT WORKS.


Image via Arbonne.

Don't ever mention job dissatisfaction because the Rodan+Fields girls have speeches already prepared. You get ambushed by them, because what starts out as an invite to grab coffee with an old high school friend ends with them telling you all about their financial woes and how now that they are selling DERMATOLOGIST-APPROVED products, they are totally rolling in it now and you would be GREAT on their team, just go ahead and sign here, k?


I can't any more. I just can't.

I'm glad people are going out on their own. Being entrepreneurial and shit. And this isn't a slam at any ONE person. It's the sum of it all. It's that my Facebook has turned into a SkyMall-esque catalog where any product known to man is being pushed down my throat at the push of an emoji. Feeling bloated? Try Body by Vi! Need a new bag? How about Thirty-One? Thinking of a new career? Let's talk about Mary Kay!!


I'm sure some of these products and companies are great #notreally. Truly. #nottruly But really, think for a minute. If the sole purpose of any conversation you have with someone is just a sales-pitch-in-waiting, no one is going to want to talk any more. People don't like the hard sell. Amazon exists for a reason. I don't want your spiel in my face any more than I want the woman at Macy's to spray me with perfume.

So, enough. Enough pyramid schemes. Enough constant posts about what a GREAT DEAL you are offering for TODAY ONLY to your closest 659 friends. No more before-and-after pictures taken in suspect lighting. I'm not buying what you are selling, and I never will.