Welcome to this week's edition of Le Placard: where I answer questions about questionable garments. I would like to thank those of you who submitted items for judgment last week. (If you don't see it today, don't worry: there's time yet, gentle friends.) There's a lot to talk about, so let's dive right in, shall we?
Damn It Feels Good To Be A Lannister T-Shirt (Snorgtees.com $19.95)
Those of you who have any familiarity with my (embarrassingly constant) commenting (it’s a diseeeeeeeeeeease) are probably aware of my Game of Thrones obsession. Those of you with a bit more familiarity are probably aware of my love of wealthy scoundrel Jaime Lannister*. So this shirt is not only chuckle-worthy for me, but sort of amazing. (And also available in dude cuts! Never say I haven’t done anything for you, Jezebeaux!)
Chuckle-worthy, amazing... but also terrible. It's a nerd t-shirt with fake gold chains on it. Additionally, I am really not a fan of shirts with writing on them, because I believe that just about anything you want to convey with words on a t-shirt you can convey with a well-crafted outfit. (And if it's something that actually needs to be spelled out, maybe, just maybe, it doesn't need to be worn on your clothing.) But if you never put yourself in situations where this sort of shirt could be appreciated then you, my friend, are probably taking yourself too seriously. So, yes. I would wear this, possibly with a blazer, definitely with some gold earrings. What what do you think, literary husband Jaime Lannister?
J-Lann approves. Thanks, sweetie.
WalterSheer printed Blouse (Loehmann’s $39.99)
This gem comes to us from the lovely and talented MisfitToy (I’ve always wondered: which misfit toy is she? My favorite was always the elephant with spots. Ain’t nothing wrong with an uneven skin tone, little elephant. I’ll take you home this Christmas!). “I can't decide,” she says, “if this shirt is amazing, ugly, insane or all of the above. Thoughts?”
Well, Misfit—the correct answer is “E: both B and C.” This shirt is ugly and insane. I would accept “all of the above” only if you were using the word amazing to mean “to bewilder or perplex,” due in no small part to the fact that Loehmann’s claims this retails at $119, and I find it bewildering and perplexing that anyone ever would have paid that much for it.
This shirt looks as though it were made by someone whose dream it was to be a clown, but after countless rejections from the great circuses of the world, she decided she needed to get an office job. So she sat down at her sewing machine with all the scarves she used to clownishly pull out of her pocket, and tearfully stitched them together. “I shall wear this on casual Fridays,” she sniffed. “With a pair of reasonably priced khakis and non-oversized shoes.” I would not wear this.
Kova & T Culver Eyelet Jumper (Urban Outfitters $362)
There was much ado last week in the comments about the difference between a romper and a jumpsuit/jumper. A perfunctory browsing of the internets yields no solid consensus on the difference, but Urban Outfitters appears to label floor length pants on a one-piece garment a “jumper” and short-length pants on a one piece a “romper.” (Personally, as a Venture Brothers fan, I really like the term “speed suit.”) There are some people who can/could pull of a jumper really, really well. Freddie Mercury. The Bride from Kill Bill. Catwoman. Evil Knievel. Queen Bey. But the only pulling off anyone can do in this monstrosity is pulling it off in the dressing room, screaming, dousing it in gasoline, and setting it on fire. Holy shit, you guys. What is this? Honestly, I really think it's the poochy bit in the middle with the random drawstring that's killing it for me. Regarding eyelet, the only place it is ever 100% unproblematic is on the pinafore of Laura Ingalls. Every other use is almost always awful but at the very least subject to scrutiny. And $362? The only way I would wear this thing would be if all those holes were caused by a stabbing and I were dead.
If you find a garment so questionable that you need a second opinion, go ahead and post it in the comments.
*runs in the family. The other day, I was talking to Mama Bogwitch who was being super supportive of me, as per usual. “You’re my favorite cheerleader!” I told her, totally heartfelt. “Thanks, biba!” she replied. “You’re my favorite Jamie… aside from Jaime Lannister, of course.”