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I'm Bisexual: Why Is That So Hard to Say?

I feel a lot of affinity with this article on Buzzfeed today. I've been thinking a lot about being bi in gay spaces. Often, when in an explicitly gay setting, I've felt pressure to either identify as gay or straight but not what I am.

The first or second time I went to a girl club, I was chatting with a girl who was getting really cozy with me. In order to preserve my monogamy, I reflexively mentioned my boyfriend, and I was shocked and hurt when she immediately walked away. Of course, I sort of understood; she might have thought I was a closet case, or felt I was otherwise being dishonest. But the hurt stuck with me. The next time I was in the same club, in the same situation - girl putting her arm around me, speaking close to my cheek - the lie just sort of fell out of my mouth. I mentioned I had a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend. The girl I was talking to backed off respectfully (which was all I'd intended) and we continued our conversation.


Recently another bi friend who is still on the dating scene complained to me that she never gets responses from lesbian women on OkCupid, in spite of being quite an eligible bachelor who looks far more butch than femme. I immediately recommended she split her profile off into two separate ones - a "straight" one for meeting men and a lesbian one for meeting gay women. She liked the idea immediately, mentioning it was also a solution to another annoying OkCupid problem: the constant stream of threesome requests she gets from boring hetero couples, in spite of stating she is NOT interested in poly sex or dating in her profile. It was only later on, by myself, that I realized I'd told another bi woman to lie about her identity for the sake of finding a relationship.

Other bi people with similar stories? Other queer people with reasons why bisexuals get this response? Hetero or ace readers who what to Ask a Bisexual Anything? (Props to pretty pony Kyosuke for the original "Ask Me" thread).

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