I’m going to cheat just a teeny bit this week by tackling a house that I have technically taken on before: the Lannisters. But it makes sense, right? The Lannisters are the wealthiest family in Westeros, and that wealth means they are entitled to more than their fair share. That’s what “fair” means. This also gives me an opportunity to say something I’ve been mulling over the past few days that I'm finally ready to admit: I fucking love the Lannisters.
Okay. Stop gasping. I get it. They’re the anti-Starks, so I’m supposed to hate them. I do sometimes: Cersei and Joffrey are awful. But if you think about it, House Lannister is sort of like the Union in this War of the Five Kings. They are the existing legal power reacting against insurgencies, albeit with disproportionate and brutal force in many instances. That said I still don’t want them to win (fire and blooooooooooooooooood!!!!).
But individually, many of my favorite characters are Lannisters… and individually many of your favorite characters are Lannisters, you just forget that on purpose because you’re a jerk. Tyrion is a Lannister. Jaime is a Lannister. Tywin is a Lannister, and even though he is corrupt you really have to stand back in reverential awe of the man. (Monsieur is currently working on a rap* called “Tywin Lannister: Gettin’ Shit Done.” I have contributed the line “Tywin L. ain’t nothin’ to fuck with! Tywin L. ain’t nothin’ to fuck with!”) Then there are the more minor Lannisters who are cool: Genna, Tywin’s awesome sister who gives precisely zero fucks; and Kevan, the quiet loyal guy who knows his family is doing crappy things who has always intrigued me. And don't even try to say “Well those cool people you mentioned are not very Lannister-y Lannisters” because that’s just not true. In fact, Cersei and Joffrey are way less Lannister-y than all the rest of them, who are all quite clever.
So just admit it. You love the Lannisters. It feels good to realize it. Freeing. Trust me.
Another point in their favor (which brings us to the thrust of this post)—you know they bring it in terms of fashion. But what would a contemporary Lannister wear?
The Lannisters are sort of Trump-like in that they like you to know who they are. Instead of putting their name on everything, they just make everything in their house colors, red and gold. Unlike Trump, however, they’re classic and classy. So let’s start with a well-tailored red dress…
The Lannisters aren’t the only house to have red as a color, though, so be sure there is no mistake by incorporating a lion (or two)…
Add a pop of color (and an homage to Jaime trying to save Brienne by saying she comes from sapphire money)
You know Cersei would carry a Birkin (and yes, it would be red: I’m usually not a fan of such a monochromatic look, but you know Her Grace would make it work)
And finish with a basic beige pair of Louboutins (for that extra peep of red, obvi).
What’s that sound? That’s the sound me hearing you roar, you fierce bitch.
*not really, but he says it at the conclusion of each one of Tywin’s scenes when we watch the show