After seeing the WTF Barbies, and as someone who grew up with totally unrealistic Barbie fantasies (I WILL MARRY KEN SOMEDAY DAMMIT) I was wondering if it’s even possible to ever have a Barbie that I myself can actually identify with. Finally, after 35 plus years of playing with Barbies, I think I have one.
This is the Barbie I made all on my own at Mattel’s site! Her name is "Bad Credit Barbie." She comes with a cell phone that her ex-boyfriend had to co-sign for. (It plays real threatening messages from debt collectors.) She also comes with life-sized Bankruptcy Filing forms that you can fill out for her, so you can make it official.
She comes with two outfits—the other one is the suit she wears to bankruptcy court. (FYI, I myself would probably not wear the hooker heels with the little short shorts, but trust me, this is pretty much the least horrible clothing option you can choose for your Barbie doll on Mattel's website. )
If you like her you can also get "Bad Credit Barbie's Room She is Staying In While Her Cousin's Girlfriend is Out of Town." It comes with a futon and a chair that Bad Credit Barbie stole from her ex-boyfriend's mom's house, (because she swears his mom totally told her she could have that chair this one time.)
She looks really pretty, but be careful—don't loan her any money. EVER. Because she will tell you that she's getting this check from her grandmother that she can totally pay you back with but she has to wait until her grandmother's car gets fixed so she can go to the post office and buy stamps to mail it, but really her grandmother has been dead for years. (Seriously, you will never see that shit again.)
She used to come with a car, but it got repossessed.
OK now for the fun part. Here is the link to this crazy Mattel website where you can put your own incredibly inappropriate shoes on your very own Barbie. So now it's your turn. Go make your own doll, post her picture and tell me all about the Barbie that would best represent you in the comments/replies/Kinja-thingies.