Lords and Ladies: the long wait is almost over. We are just about one month from the Game of Thrones season four premiere. It has felt lie one of those 10-year-long winters Old Nan used to tell stories of since our last fix, and we uberfans have been doing what we can to fill the void. We've re-watched seasons 1-3 and re-read our favorite sections from the books. We made sure to catch clips of Lena Headey and Peter Dinklage on Sesame Street. We've spent hours on A Wiki of Ice and Fire reading up on theories about which character is the second coming of Azor Ahai. We thought, briefly, about going to see Jon Snow and his abs in Pompeii before we realized "Hold up, girl; even fandom has its limits."
But now there is an end in sight. Season 4 will pick up the latter half of Book 3, A Storm of Swords (which is basically universally acknowledged as the best one), and there has been talk that elements from Books 4 and 5 will be included as well. With the victorious return of Game of Thrones within our grasp, we are faced with an important question: what do we wear in the coming days to better prepare us for its glory? Last season, Game of Threads provided a style guide for how to dress throughout this game of thrones (Past "issues" can be found here.) Don't worry—I'm back to help.
Your favorite house's sigil
Look, if you wear your team's jersey on game day, then it stands to reason that you would wear your house's sigil as the premiere approaches. Myriad wondrous online retailers have realized that we GoT fans are legion, and have been goodly enough to create t-shirts for us, among other wares. (The Targaryen shirt pictured is available on Amazon.) Designs range from serious to cheeky, and you'd be surprised at how esoteric you can get.) So go ahead and nerd it up! If anyone makes fun of you, it's probably because they're jealous of your awesome clothes and superior taste in entertainment. Either that or they are an enemy of your house, in which case valar morghulis.
Braids. Braaaaaaaaaaaids! Glorious braids! In Westeros (and Essos... that's the continent Daenerys is conquering), if your hair is even slightly past your chin then you are almost certainly wearing at least one braid. Man, woman, direwolf: it doesn't matter. You need a motherfucking braid. You probably need more than that. I mean even Wildlings get it. So don't be a barbarian. Put some damn braids in your hair. Here are some instructions. I myself usually sport a variation of the Cersei, which I'm pretty sure is a subconscious attempt to attract my very own Jaime... but... you know... one who isn't my brother.
Because let's be honest here. It doesn't matter how many times you watch this five second Vine of The Red Viper fighting The Mountain with a spear and doing that cool little flip thing: every time you are going to piss your pants in excitement just a little bit. And that's just to help you through the Vine! Imagine how much you will pee your pants watching either of the two HBO trailers then you are really going to need it.
Tissues will be the accessory of the season. When the show is on, tissues are perfect for wiping away the inevitable tears and snot that freely flow when your favorite character is unjustly slaughtered by your least favorite character, or for tidying up after hours of furiously and shamefully masturbating to any of the show's many beautiful cast members. Before the show, however, tissues are great for dabbing your sweating brow as you anxiously stare at your calendar, waiting for it to be April 6.
A warm hat, scarf, and mittens
CUZ WINTER IS COMING, BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't believe me? Ask the snow zombie!